It's So Hard To Say Goodbye

This will be the last time I speak on this situation. While I do miss my friend sometimes, I know that I'm not missed on their end. Opportunities have presented themselves for this person to fix the problem, but absolutely no efforts have been made. Couldn't be, cause we wouldn't be where we are if they wanted the problem fixed. Apparently I'm the only one who thinks it's a problem. This person is perfectly content without my friendship and until they decide to change that, I'm wiping my hands from the situation and from them. It was fun while it lasted. I will not put anymore time and energy into someone who won't put in the same for me. I will only reciprocate. If they do nothing, I do nothing. If they reach out to me, I will reach out to them. The ball has BEEN in their court and its collecting dust. So unless something changes, it's goodbye!

Lupe Fiasco Concert

Last night I went to my first Lupe Fiasco concert and it was awesome. He put on a great performance and I would definitely go see him again.

I won my ticket to the concert from a female I follow on instagram, @goodnailsgonebad aka Royal Fiasco. She's a MEGA Lupe fan! She had 3 tickets to his show in Atlanta but she also had other obligations, so was nice enough to do a giveaway for the tickets. To enter, all you had to do was email her why you should get a ticket. And how lucky am I that I got picked! I was so stoked. One thing that she asked was that we all get together for a picture at the show.

We exchanged numbers via email and it was David who made the first move and called me the day before the show. We chatted for a while then I said I would touch bases with him tomorrow before the show. We agreed to meet at the door of the venue around 8pm then go in and enjoy the show together, as a group. We could take pictures together outside and inside.

The day of the concert, earlier that afternoon, I attended a funeral. After the funeral I took a nap. Just before I laid down, I called David. He said he was coming from a wedding in South Carolina, which was not yet over, so with the travel time he's gonna be late but he was still coming. I said cool, let me know when you get here, we'll try to save you a seat. The third ticket winner, Marisa, hadn't been heard from yet. I called her and left a message letting her know the plan.

Then I took my nap which ended up lasting longer than I wanted. So now I'm rushing. The show starts at 9pm, we were gonna meet up at 8pm, but it's now 830 and I'm not there yet. My phone rings and its Marisa, who "just" got my message and is calling to see if we are inside and did we save her a seat. I laughed. I had to. The day wasn't going well so far and her call irked me. I told her I was on the way. She says ok I'm going inside, call me when you get here.

I park and go inside. I called her and found her inside. She brought a friend. We chatted for a bit and waited for the show to start. Still no word from David.

The show starts with the Boy Illinois, who was on his first tour in his first city. He was good and put on a decent performance. Then there was a short break and some other guy came on stage. His name is Trouble Trouble. I was scratching my head as I listened to his song cause I'm thinking, this has to be a favor that Lupe did for someone. Somebody bargained with Lupe to allow their cousin or nephew or somebody to do their "ratchet music." I just remember dude rapping about "love by the gun, die by the gun" and swag this, swag that. Then he sounded like he was booing on the hook, like maybe someone should have been singing that part or something. Or maybe he was really booing lol. Either way, he did one song and was gone.

For most of the night, it sounded like someone put on an old Ludacris cd and just let it play during the "breaks." The DJ had a few minutes to do some spinning but hearing "Hannah Montana" and "Versace" was irking me so I welcomed the Ludacris again. He also announced that Lupe was "on the way."

The next performer was Stalley. Before he came on, Marisa went into the crowd while her friend took a pic of her. Then her friend grabbed her jacket from under the seat and went into the crowd. They both just disappeared, without a single word. I was miffed for a sec but then I let it go. Marisa didn't seem to want to honor RHOyal's request anyways. Still no word from David. I sent him a text but never got a response so I enjoyed the rest of my night alone.

Stalley was good but he sounded like an upstate rapper. Not saying anything is wrong with them, I'm just not a big fan of upstate rappers. I enjoyed his performance tho.

Finally, the man of the hour comes out. Lupe Fiasco is so much more good looking in person. He rocked out like he was on one. He was super crunk. Did mostly his hits and some new stuff.

The funniest part was towards the end when he told all the guys in the crowd to turn around. "To all my niggas, I love yall, ima need all of you to back up." Lupe wanted all the women in the front and all the guys in the back with their backs turned to him. He was serious too. "I know this is Atlanta but yall need to turn around." And the guys did it. Then Lupe went into his song. Most of the guys slowly turned to the side to try to watch. Some still had their backs turned. Lupe yelled at one dude during the song. "Hey, turn your ass back around." It was funny.

By now my phone battery is just about dead so as soon as I see him walk off stage, I head for the door. Since he arrived late, they told him he couldn't do an encore cause he was already over time. So when it was over, it was over. I really enjoyed myself and it was a great way to end a not so great day. I hate that David didn't make it and we couldn't get the pic for RHOyal, but I had a great time by myself.

When I got to work tonight, one of the forest things I saw was this car tag. It made me wonder if this guy's a Lupe Fiasco fan lol. 

Locked Up

I miss writing.

I want to write but I can't.

It's like something has psychologically locked that part of my mind away and no matter what techniques I try, I can't break it. I feel like I hit a literal wall.

And it was so much a part of my life for so long that now, this time without it, I don't feel whole. I have a yearning, a longing for a distant lover.

But this is a battle I will fight to the death. I will never stop trying to break the wall. To rescue and reunite with my love.

That would be a glorious day indeed.

Reading is Fundamental

It's been a while since I've read a book. And that's sad. Especially considering I have a ton of books. I've been doing so much on the computer, whether it be work or leisure, that I've just gotten away from a favorite pastime.

That is about to change. I've just picked up a Dan Brown book and I'm a big fan of his work. I read all his books before they even made the Da Vinci Code movie. So i was definitely stoked to find this new one.
I tried the ebooks but reading on my phone just doesn't cut it for me. Too many distractions with notifications and calls and texts. Then there's the battery issue. I just prefer a physical book. Not to mention, this move to digital press is what made me get laid off from the best job EVA! So instead of buying another gadget and then buying the ebooks, I'll just give my money to good old fashion print press books. And maybe one day in the future, they'll be worth some money.

Oh, by the way, the book I have is called Inferno. I'll post my review of or when I'm finished.

Ask Me Anything

I'm bored. Come play. I want to see who has a burning question for me. Anything. All questions will be answered. Ask as many as you want. Don't be scurred. Ask.fm/Trinitijordan

Nights Like This. . .

I hate my mind sometimes. I can have all these thoughts running thru it but as soon as I want to blog or write, my mind goes blank and I forget everything. This is why I haven't posted much. I miss writing my poetry. I've tried all kinds of tricks and tips. But this has been going on for almost 10 years now. So spare me the "oh just do this" talk.

Maybe my mind is telling me that some people aren't ready and can't handle the complexities of my thoughts. Sometimes I want to call my now former friend but  usually I feel like he doesn't really understand what I'm saying and is just there to let me ramble and vent, not really giving any good feedback or criticism. I want conversation. I can talk to myself if I didn't want to get any response. And that's what I'm almost having resort to now since he has kicked me to the curb. He'll deny it, I'm sure. But he doesn't call anymore. Doesn't request my company. Barely speaks when he does see me. What a keeper.

Anyways, this writers block is hindering me from finishing my book. I keep putting it off cause when I try to spend some time working on it, must of that time is spent rereading or reformatting but not much actual writing. My story as it stands now is mostly the same as it was a year ago. Shame on me, I know. I'm trying tho and I won't give up cause I really want people to read it.

So just bear with me as I try to get back into the swing of things. Thanx for your patience, all my invisible readers :)

Getting This Off My Chest

Some people just dont listen. Or they act like they didnt hear you, thinking it'll go away or that they can change things. I would think I know myself better than anyone. So if I told you I might eventually do something you dont like, but you said you're a man and can handle it, why then are you mad at me cause I actually did it? And your way of "handling it" is to pretty much cut me off? I take responsibility for what I did and I apologize. But you wont take responsibility for what you did, which is basically, you asked for it. I warned you. I tried to keep you from it. But you were determined and you persisted. And when things didnt go the way you wanted, even though you got what you wanted, you make me out to be the bad guy.

I still want you as my friend but it seems like you dont. You've made your jealousy very clear at times but I let it go cause I know you may still be hurting. But dont act like a stingy kid who doesnt want to share his toys. The problem you have is that you're always at either extreme. There is no middle ground with you, at least when it comes to me. Its either too much or nothing at all. I've explained this to you several times and Im not saying you didnt try but you efforts seemed too short lived before you're back at one of those extremes again.

On one hand, I dont want to lose my friend after everything we've been thru. On the other hand, its like you've already checked out, and you dont seem to want to come back unless you can have your way. I shouldn't have to chase you if its something we mutually want. But im not even on the back burner. You put me behind the stove!

This isnt something Im just now feeling. Ive been feeling it for a while but I've been trying to find ways to salvage this and I feel like you're just moving further and further away, making it harder. I could be wrong and if I am, call me and correct me. But if im not, you've already given up on me. So I guess thats it.

Confused about Jesus

These are serious questions. It is not meant to offend or mock anyone. These are things I am personally confused about.

Some people say Jesus is the only way to heaven. So does that mean that anyone who doesnt believe Jesus is God will automatically go to Hell no matter how much good they have done in their life? What about those who lived before Jesus? They had no knowledge of him so does that mean they dont go to heaven either?


Question: "How were people saved before Jesus died for our sins?"

Answer: Since the fall of man, the basis of salvation has always been the death of Christ. No one, either prior to the cross or since the cross, would ever be saved without that one pivotal event in the history of the world. Christ's death paid the penalty for past sins of Old Testament saints and future sins of New Testament saints.

http://www.gotquestions.org/before-Jesus.html

So according to what this website has stated, that would pretty much mean EVERYONE who came before Jesus is guaranteed Heaven. Does that mean that those who were condemned to Hell before are then sent off to Heaven once Jesus died? Since they lived and died before Jesus was born, they could not accept him so what makes those people any different from the people who exist now that do good and believe in a higher power but dont call that higher power Jesus or Christ or any other moniker?